So this entry is actually inspired by a Co Blogger, that made an entry much like this.
At first i figured I'd just throw her a comment, but the more I started thinking about what to put in writing, and reading the other comments. The less I wanted to add directly to it.
If you're fine with Danish: Linky, otherwise try the translator.
So being insecure, doubting ones worth. Does that sound familiar to you personally?
It's a fact that most people feel insecure once in a while, trouble is when you feel insecure all the time.
We're a few people that tick this way, quite a few actually. When someone tells me that I'm good at something, my mental process kicks in trying to figure out what the frag I'm done so wrong the other guy feels shamed to point it out, and needs to find something random to divert attention from whatever I've done.
Growing up being told your stupid, when you're not. Being told you're ugly when you're not, and so on.
A bit back i saw a YouTube link to a video of a little girl telling the camera how she was worth nothing and the like. I didn't watch the movie myself, once I via the comments saw what it was, I didn't need to. I've lived that life. I AM the most stupid person on the planet, I AM not most annoying person that ever lived.
I know this as I know breathing under water is difficult at least. (under special conditions that statement is false).
Much like the TV series "Lie to me", I tend to read and evaluate every little signal people sends out. The fact I don't understand their meaning, yet still I try to figure it out, makes my conclusions extreme. Experience have told me the safe bet is going with negative but that gives a rather dark and pessimistic world. Not taking it serious on the other hand often leads me into naive blind choices.
I don't read their signals, body language, in fact peoples body language most often confuses me, and people trying to read mine are often more confused than I, as all I ever really say is the words I use, to which I'm very very aware.
This makes me insecure, I don't know how to handle people. I don't have a natural flow of what to do when interacting with people. Quite often makes people interacting with me insecure also, as I take little interest in what is used for smalltalk.
In the end it's not something I'll ever get rid of, I'll always a tad weird, but I'll never stop trying to understand how it all works, be that for the better or worse, I don't care anymore. I'm here for the journey.
