First I feel a need to point out that I'm not in any way religious, yet I am a very spiritual person.
I came across this Love and forgiveness as tools of personal growth while catching up on my stream, and the title stirred something so i started reading. My first realization is that now I know what people mean when they tell me I throw to many words at them without pause :)
To sum up what I get from it:
- You life is basically set at the age of 6.
- Parents are especially responsible for their childrens mindset.
- Setting the correct path makes most thing peachy.
- Forgiveness is a very strong tool.
First off I had to set aside that it wasn't written with people like me in mind. And that most people are not like me. From there I can raise my mind above it all and look for the good parts that I'd like to pass on to others in search of decent living principles.
Keep in mind there's no "Way of life", each individual perceives the world through a filter that in composed of a multitude of things that have different influence by each individual. Any proficient psychologist would or should know that. Yet it is often a forgotten fact. Maybe you like red meat while I like mine medium done, and both ways are EQUALLY fine.. As there is no set path in life, and tastes are different.
Not too long ago I was presented to a likewise spiritual person from a completely different culture then my own European upbringing. and I believe the first philosophical challenge I presented was why she should be the judge of what is good and bad?
It's a common misunderstanding that if you mean well your actions are benevolent (good in nature). Trouble arises when you start to judge what other should perceive as well being. A classic is the one of helping out...
That is not always the benevolent path as helping might prevent the individual being helped from evolving into to a stronger person.
I figured an old Buddhism story about giving moneys to beggars were in fact seen as a "bad" karma thing, where most other cultures would see it as a "good karma" thing. (Yes, I know that there is nothing such as "good karma" and that all karma is bad, but that is something for time to discuss).
That was somewhat of a sidetrack which I don't think I closed prober, but we can do that some other time. Main point here and the line I'm walking is good and bad is always down to individuals. Besides Cirelda wrote a nice blog that doesn't deserve to be thrown into religious discussions.
Rather I want to point out my disagreements in general (noted in the bullet point):
Your life is set by the age of 6......
I disagree. Somewhat. As she points out herself, once you the an age where you're supposed to be a responsible adult person. You have the responsibility to seek assistance to handle the scars of your soul. Aligning your moral compass, choose your path in life, define your tastes.
And that is really a very important thing. Unless you unquestionably believe in fate in a way they you disregard any and all responsibility. Your first responsibility in this life of yours should be to make the choices you ultimately agree the most with. These don't always show as clearly as you expect. For instance it's a choose to pay the rent. Paying the rent will have the effect that you most likely have a roof over your head until next time the rent is due, likewise you could choose differently and NOT pay the rent which will ultimately have the effect you don't have the roof over you head. Of course there's other effects like if you didn't pay the rent, you most likely have that money to spend for something else, say food?
You always have a choice, whether you like it or not. Either accept this or accept that it is "fate".
And as you have a choice you have the power to do differently. Predictable or not, you ultimately had responsibility and made a choice.
Parents are especially responsible for their children's mindset.
Actually i agree here.
Children will always look to their parents for guidance, and it is our most holy task to provide them the best guidance we can. Again loads of factors are applied here. One of the heaviest factor is most often the parents own upbringing and their reactions to this.
For instance if someone is taught that you should play dead if attacked by a bear. Unless experience, education or some other outside effect have an impact on that persons perspective of bears, this is off course what that person will teach their own children. ( I have no clue what so ever to do if you encounter an angry bear, but I don't think I'll try reasoning with it....)
Setting the correct path makes most thing peachy.
I've already touched on this. What you as a person yourself might have value in considering is who are the judges of "correct". And do you even like peaches?
Once you start getting a hold of that, start considering the merits of these judges....
Another thing a lot of people most often fail to realize is that there is no person that is enherrently evil/bad. No matter how malicious actions are concieved and performed, there is always at some level a desire for betterment someone. Trouble is when people don't quite agree what is good and bad, like commiting genocide. Good or bad? well depends on perspective really, still trust me those doing it REALLY believe they are doing a good thing, the greater good maybe even. Remember the German soldiers in WW2. Their belts was inscribed with something along the lines of Gods army. And I don't have the merits to be a judge of that.
Forgiveness is a very strong tool.
As the title say forgive and forget. I have children starting school and the default thing most children need to learn is to say I'm sorry........
It's one of my parental challenges to have they learn the diffrence between saying "I'm sorry" and to "be sorry". Most would tell me how wrong I am in this. But i actually take offence to indoctrination. And i believe strongly in truth. Always tell the truth, and only say things that you mean.
So when my children are schooled to blindly say: Forgive me, I'm sorry. Without understanding what they are doing I'm offended.
Sure, on the other end there's another child that is sad because they have just been hurt. This victim migth be apeaced somewhat by being told the harm was unintentionally.
Untill the children realize it was intented.... That they have been lied to.... That they are expected to lie them self quite often even..... (they have to repeat the process of telling: I'm sorry. Plenty times before it becomes a natural response)...
Same thing with forgiveness... I often notice people by default expect forgiveness if they merely ask it.
When i'm encoutering people asking me to forgive them, I usually get rather aggressive, and start digging them why I should forgive them. And that tends to scare people off.
I don't mind forgiving, and I doing quite often and fast. The people I forgive have no value knowing wether they are forgiven or not. I forgive and forget to apeace MY mind and life. Not theirs.
On the other hand some things I don't just forgive, less forget. Often I take a very long time forgiving my self :) And with that knowledge in hand an to round of everything:
When forgiving, and who are you forgiving, and why? Once understood it's lot easier to also forget which is needed inorder to truely forgive, rather then just saying the words without meaning.
